Everything I'm Not Made Me Everything I Am.

I found my keys today. However, the only problem is, is that I found them in my dream, right before I woke up. I always find it pretty interesting when I find things in my dreams only to be heart broken to find out that my keys are still gone, lost, or as I like to put it, misplaced somewhere in the abyss.

I guess I question of the day, well not of the day, but I question that I was asking myself last night was, "What does she have that I don't?" I try to refrain from asking these types of questions, but sometimes they creep up, from some deep hidden place of dis pare. Ok maybe dis pare wasn't the right word but you definitely get what I mean. It is so much easier to point out what I lack that it is what I have, I have recently learned. I was watching Mean Girls a while back, in the movie there was a scene where all the "mean girls" would stand in the mirror and point out every single thing that they could image was wrong with them. Where does it come from?

The world of women is a very complicated one at that. I was talking to my friends (actually we have had this conversation many a times) about the rules of women. We talked about the dynamics of the women women relationship and how that applied to staking claim on a "cute" man -whatever that means. In this wonder world of "girl" (and for all you who prefer to go the more "mature" route the "world of women"), if you are at a party and your friend expresses any type of attraction to one specific guy, she has staked her claim. She could say anything from, "OMG I want to talk to him." to "hm, look, he's pretty cute." wierd yeah I know. But this is how it works. Now of course, you have those sets of friends who claim they don't work like that, but I would beg to differ.

There is also another thing that we have talked about and that is the subject of a man's merit v. a women's appearance. With regards to attracting a mate, I seems that men have it a bit better. If a man does not think he looks like Brad Pit, he could then become a millionaire and women will come flocking. Who care's if they wouldn't have liked you before the money, it seems that men don't really need someone to really like them for who they really are. (ok, that might be a bit exagerated, lol) On the other hand you have women, we live in a world where if you are a women and you don't feel like you look like Hally Berry, then it is a wrap, you are not any getting past the front door. Now of course, these are all just thoeries and are not for certain, but that are definitely ideas to think about. So what is a girl to do is such a situation.

Keep it pushing. It seems as though the only way to get ahead in this world is to make a way for yourself and ignore the fact that people might not think of you as the most beautiful in the world. You have to be beautiful to you and move on, focuing on all the things that make you beautiful. I have been adopting this way of thought, however there are still times when I fall. There are times when I don't feel my best, but I have to keep reminding myself that I am the bomb, if not to any body else, to me. Now, even though I said that it seems that guys have it easier, it might not necesarily be that way (I am not a man, so I can never truly know), I can only speak from my female perspective.

Lastly, self esteem is hard to keep up these days.. I takes a really strong person to stand up against the current of the popular media. Now the subject of self esteem has come up in many conversations that I have had with many of my peers both male and female and there are always those who allude to the idea of people with low self esteem being weak people and I almost get an aire that they inflict those wounds on themselves. My question in response to that would be, "Why would someone choose to have low self esteem?" I mean, I know that there exist people who love to play the victim to attract more attention to themselves, but there are people who genuinely have truoble finding the beauty in themselves.

So, "What does she have that I don't?" Well she may have a lot of things and she may be a lot of things, but I always like to refers back to the great philosopher Kanye West, when he said, "Everything I'm not, made me everything I am." I may not be a lot of things but I am me, Christina. I can improve myself in certain aspects, but so can everybody else. Well, I guess that's it.

Traveling Soon!!!!!

Good morning world. it is 8am and I am at work attempting to earn enough money to buy myself a great camera for going abroad this Fall. I am so excited to travel this Fall. I will be living in Spain for three months come September and I can't wait. I hope that this experience changes my life. I have heard from so many other people that going abraod is like one of the best things you could do as an undergrad, or even as a grad for that matter. I have gotten to the point where I sort of feel confined within a small box, called Irvine CA. I love the people that I have met and all of my friends, however I feel that it is time to get out and explore to world.

I spoke to my mother I few days ago and she was doing what she normally does, which is giving me endless advise. And by the way, I value my mother's advise very much, she just has a way of saying things that sort of either puts me at ease or makes me think about my own actions. But i was talking to my mother and towards the end of the conversation I told her that i wanted to travel the world. I want to go everywhere. As a was saying it, i really started to feel excited, because that was not a dream, because I was really going to start this Fall. There is this one saying that I have been kicking around in my head for I while and it is, "The first Spain, Next stop the world!" I don't know how I came up with that, I just think that it embodies what I am feeling as of now.

Thinking of traveling, also making me think of the job that I have now, nothing big just a student desk job. I sit here I am look at the rest of the professional staff and I wonder if I could the same thing that they are doing. I could really come into work every day from 8am to 5pm, sit in a cubicle, and stare at a computer screen for the rest of my working life. Wow, I don't think that I could. I don't get me wrong, I do admire their security, but at the same time I don't. Maybe one day I will have a change of heart and go for that desk job, but for now I want to be a traveler.

I thanked God this morning for life. I thanked god for waking me up this morning because I am sure that that did not have to happen, but it did. Sometimes I do admit that I don't thank God enough for everything that I have in life. I lot of times I am focused on the things that I don't have. I don't have a car, I don't have this or that. But I always have to take a step back and thank him for life and the people that he has placed in my life. And I must also remember to thank him for the opportunities that he has laid before it, such as traveling to Spain in the Fall. I will be patient and trust that things are going to work out for the better. Well I will leave off about here. Until next time. oh and please excuse any spelling errors I am at work and have on time to spell check.

-ciao

Blah

I am going to try and blog before I am just about to go to bed.  Today was really laid back.  I wasn't feeling my best, but I went to church and I guess I am doing better now.  I also talked to my wonderful mother and she also gave me some words of encouragement.  But all and all today was pretty good.