Spain.Christina.lol.

So Hello all!!! I hope you are doing well. lol. I have finally applied for my Visa to travel to Spain. Now, all that is left is the waiting game. Even though I know I should probably be extremely panicked and praying to God a million times for it to arrive on time; I am not too worried. It's not that I have nothing to worry about, it's just that, what use is it panicking. I Pray that everything works out and that I am off to Spain come August 28th... and that's it. Spain is becoming more and more real now that I have applied for the visa. I don't know what to expect going abroad for three months (THREE MONTHS PEOPLE!!!). Maybe I will meet the love of my life, maybe I will find this new passion for something, I don't know. Maybe nothing will happen at all. I am just ready to continue this journey I call life. Maybe this trip will help my learn more about myself. I want to challenge myself by stepping outside of my comfort zone.

I have recently come to realize something about myself that I never (until now) thought was an issue for me. I am overly attached to my family. Of course I love my family, they are the people who have been there for my for so many years, however I feel that I have been protected by them so much that I feel like I use them as a protective mechanism to shield myself from the outside world. Now this attachment is not like that weird guy who stays upstairs locked away typing at his computer in his childhood room. No, I guess deep down inside, somewhere so deep I didn't see it, I am just scared. I few months ago I was thinking about my big trip and this fear of something happening to my mom or brother just popped in my head. What if something happens and I am not here, by their side. But then I reminded myself that life is unpredictable and that it must be lived to the fullest. Living life to the fullest means not worrying about every little thing that could happen. Of course someone could die, but I know that tomorrow is not promised to me or my family members, so I must appreciate them every day, every moment I can. I didn't know I was going to be this scared about leaving, I thought that leaving would be a piece of cake- not the case.

On another note. Self. I mentioned that I want to learn more about who I am. It is not that I don't know what my favorite color is, no. I have just spent so much time trying to either live up to other people's expectations or what I believe other people's expectations of me, that I lost sight of who Christina was. I once heard that "the hardest thing to be is yourself." Personally this statement has rung so true. I used to asked myself - sometimes I still do - what is special about me. I know people say that I am funny from time to time, but what is it really. Now I know that I am special, I am just trying to figure out what makes me that way. This trip may not reveal all the answers to the many questions that I have, only God has those answers I guess, but I plan to clear my head on this trip, regroup and put me together. There will be no additives, or artificial sweeteners, just pure Christina as she is.

Well back to my trip. I am so excited. I am praying that my Spanish improves. Everyone I talk with about the trip says that I will come back almost fluent, but we will see. Well it is getting late. I have also realized that I need music to write, actually I need it for a lot of things. There is just something magical about music. I mean what else can soothe the savage beast - not that I am the beast- well you get what I mean. What else is on my mind...

I guess good nite until tomorrow blog. ;)